Oh, lord, my AP bullshit runneth over

Uh, "Obama breaks from Bush, avoids divisive stands"

"Avoids divisive stands"??

Barack Obama opened his presidency by breaking sharply from George W. Bush's unpopular administration, but he mostly avoided divisive partisan and ideological stands.

I think a Mr. Rush Limbaugh would refer to this as the "drive-by media" . . . I can only label this as, well, bullshit.

He largely avoided cultural issues; the exception was reversing one abortion-related policy, a predictable move done in a very low-profile way.

My cow died so I don't need your bull.

It certainly reflects the kind of over-the-top, clumsy propaganda I observed at the Yakukuni Shrine Museum last summer in Tokyo- not so much "offensive" as just frickin' annoying.

Oh, wait- I forgot the double standard:

Obama's biggest agenda items — stabilizing the economy and ending the Iraq war — are complex tasks with results not expected soon.

What's that, Sheryl? You wanted those credit files ordered yesterday for our investors' due diligence? I'm sorry- that's a "complex task with results not expected soon" . . .

Look, people- I don't think it's just factors like more internet usage, classified ads moving online, or a "hyper-partisan, unaccountable blogosphere".

Print media and the "mainstream media" in general are in financial turmoil because they. royally. suck.

Let me phrase that a different way: . . . their sufferin' succotash suckiness is beyond measure.

And now I suddenly want to translate: "utterly pathetic wankers" into Japanese (not that I think Asahi, Yomiuri, or NHK would necessarily qualify for the moniker- I just feel the need to express the current state of the American media to my Japanese friends).

OK, I got it: the Onion moved to New York from the Midwest, and their former editors and writers just took over the AP:

A picture of poise [a frickin' PICTURE OF POISE!!], Obama didn't get rattled when Chief Justice John Roberts flubbed the oath of office[*d'oh!*], an exercise repeated a day later to ensure constitutionality [because, you know, Obama didn't really become President until the day after the Inauguration]. He [fucking] breezed through his speech — which repudiated Bush's [fucking] tenure though never personally attacked him — without a [fucking] misstep. Even with the [fucking] weight of the country's troubles now on his [fucking] shoulders, he was relaxed as he twirled his wife, Michelle, at celebratory balls.

"I don't sweat," Obama said on the eve of his inauguration — a comment meant literally, and, perhaps, figuratively [Thank you, Dry Idea!!].

Oh, shit- if the 20th Century was "Our Dumb Century", just what the hell are we living in now??

Update II: Ace of Spades kinda sorta noticed this yesterday, too.